Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
