Umm I'm too high to move.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
