I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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