Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I think i got beer on your cat.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
