It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
