At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
