Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
