used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
