so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
