I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
