Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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