I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
