you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
