OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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