I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
