So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
