Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
