you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
