I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
