how hairy? two words: wookie tits
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
