Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
