haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
