Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
