I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
