Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
