you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Randomize
