My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
