I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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