Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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