But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
In other news, I just burned my penis
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
