After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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