I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
