Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
