the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
