It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
