you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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