She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
