just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
