there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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