It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
