i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
