First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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