Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
