He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
