that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
