that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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