It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I have so many feelings about this burrito
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
