So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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