How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
