There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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