"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
