you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Houston, we have a blender
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
