I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
