I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
