To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
