I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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