I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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