I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
