I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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