Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
