My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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