wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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