oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
