Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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