If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
