Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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