Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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