How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
