You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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