Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i will never coherently bang her
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
