Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I queefed so loud it echoed.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
